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Post by Chadi the Dwarf on Nov 14, 2003 11:17:19 GMT -5
If you're tired and traumatized by the horrible legends i tell. You can have fun reading AND writing funny stories , jokes, and others fun things. Please help me in the story center. You can write Legends, stories, and continue the forum free story!
----------------------------------------------------------------------- President Dubya was awakened one night by an urgent call from the Pentagon. "Mr. President," said the four-star general, barely able to contain himself, "there's good news & bad news." "Oh, no," muttered the President, "Well, let me have the bad news first." "The bad news, sir, is that we've been invaded by creatures from another planet." "Gosh, and the good news?" "The good news, sir, is that they eat reporters and pee oil." ------------------------------------------------------------------ At a pharmacy, a blonde asked to use the infant scale to weigh the baby she held in her arms. The clerk explained that the device was out for repairs, but said that she would figure the infant's weight by weighing the woman and baby together on the adult scale, then weighing the mother alone and subtracting the second amount from the first. "That won't work," countered the woman. "I'm not the mother, I'm the aunt." ------------------------------------------------------------------ A man hated his wife's cat and he decided to get rid of it. He drove 20 blocks away from home and dropped the cat there. The cat was already walking up the driveway when he approached his home. The next day, he decided to drop the cat 40 blocks away but the same thing happened.
He kept on increasing the number of blocks but the cat kept on coming home before him. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right and so on until he reached what he thought was a perfect spot and dropped the cat there.
Hours later, the man calls his wife at home and asked her, "Jen is the cat there?" "Yes, why do you ask?" answered the wife. Frustrated the man said, "Put that cat on the phone, I'm lost and I need directions." ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Two men were out fishing, when they found a lamp floating in the water. One of the men picked it up and rubbed it, causing a genie to explode from the lamp. Unfortunately, it was a very low-level genie and could only grant one wish. The men thought for a few minutes and then wished for the entire lake to be made of the best beer in the world. With a poof! the wish was granted. All of a sudden, one of the men got really angry.
"Dammit! Now we have to piss in the boat!" ---------------------------------------------------------------- A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads "low bridge ahead." He tries to turn off but, before he knows it, the bridge is right there and he gets stuck under it. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck huh?"
The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas" ( Yes i know ! This one ain't funny) ----------------------------------------------------------------- Do you know what a wok is? It's something you thwow at a wabbit --------------------------------------------------------------- There once was a young couple who lived in a town filled with crime. After three neighbors' houses had been robbed, the couple decided to get a guard dog. So one day the wife went to the pet store and said, “I need a good guard dog.”
And the clerk replied, “Sorry, we're all sold out. All we have left is this little Scottie dog. But he knows karate.”
The wife didn't believe him so he said to the dog, "Karate that chair.”
The dog went up to the chair and broke it into pieces, then he said to the dog, “Karate that table.” The dog went up to the table and broke it in half.
So the wife bought the dog and took it home to her husband who was expecting a big guard dog. But then she told her huspand that it knew karate, and he said “Karate my ass!” ------------------------------------------------------------------ A guy is going on an ocean cruise, and he tells his doctor that he's worry about getting seasick. The doctor suggests, ''Eat two pounds of stewed tomatoes before you leave the dock.''
The guy replies, ''Would that keep me from getting sick, Doc?''
The doctor says, ''No, but it'll look real pretty in the water.'' ----------------------------------------------------------------------- A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling, ''If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I'd be a little bull.'' The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with, ''If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant.''
The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the kid, ''What if your dad was a drunk and your mom was a prostitute?!''
The kid smiles and says, ''I would be a bus driver!'' ---------------------------------------------------------------- Why can't a blonde dial 911? She can't find the eleven. ------------------------------------------------------------- A Child's Prayer One night, a father passed by his son's room and heard his son praying: "God bless Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma. Ta ta, Grandpa." The father didn't quite know what this meant, but was glad his son was praying. The next morning, they found Grandpa dead on the floor of a heart attack. The father reassured himself that it was just a coincidence, but was still a bit spooked.
The next night, he heard his son praying again: "God bless Mommy and Daddy. Ta ta, Grandma."
The father was worried, but decided to wait until morning. Sure enough, the next morning Grandma was on the floor, dead of a heart attack.
Really scared now, the father decided to wait outside his son's door the next night. And sure enough, the boy started to pray: "God bless Mommy. Ta ta, Daddy."
Now the father was crapping his pants. He stayed up all night, and went to the doctor's early the next day to make sure his health was fine. When he finally came home, his wife was waiting on the porch. She said, "Thank God you're here -- we could really use your help! We found milkman dead on our porch this morning!" ----------------------------------------------------------------------- A Letter From A Redneck Mother To Her Son Dear Son, I'm writing this slow 'cause I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within twenty miles of home, so we moved. Won't be able to send you the address as the last Arkansas family that lived here took the numbers with them for their house, so they wouldn't have to change their address. This place has a washing machine. The first day I put four shirts in it, pulled the chain and haven't seen 'em since. It only rained twice this week, three days the first time and four days the second time. The coat you wanted me to send to you, Aunt Sue said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with them heavy buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. We got a bill from the funeral home, and it said if we didn't make the final payment on Grandma's funderal bill, up she comes. About your sister, she had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether if it is a boy or a girl so don't know if you are an Aunt or Uncle. Your Uncle John fell in the whiskey vat. Some men tried to get him out, but he fought them off playfully, so he drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days. Three of your friends went off the bridge in a pickup. One was driving and the other two were in the back. The driver got out. He rolled down the window and swam to safery. The other 2 drowned. They couldn't get the tail gate down. Not much more news this time. Nothing much happened. If you don't get this letter, please let me know and I will send another one. Love, Ma
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Post by Chadi the Dwarf on Nov 14, 2003 21:59:23 GMT -5
Two blondes were going to Disneyland when they came to a fork in the road. The sign read: "Disneyland Left." So they went home. ----------------------------------------------------------------- A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small club in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he's going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting: ''I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general...and all in the name of humor!'' The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to apologize, when the blonde yells, ''You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little jerk on your knee!'' -------------------------------------------------------------------- When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss. The brain said, "I should be boss because I control the whole body's responses and functions." The feet said, "We should be Boss as we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go." The hands said, "We should be the boss because we do all the work and earn all the money." And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs, and the eyes until finally the asshole spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss. So the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work. Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic and the brain fevered. Eventually they all decided that the asshole should be the boss, so the motion was passed. All the other parts did all the work while the boss just sat and passed out the shit! Moral of the story: You don't need brains to be a boss - any asshole will do. ;D ;D ------------------------------------------------------------------------ A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!" The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!" Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, when he spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he saw a huge 9-foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She took aim, killed the creature, and with a great deal of effort hauled it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watched in amazement. Just then the blonde flipped the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Damn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!" ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Yo' mama like a Big Mac -- full of fat and only worth a buck! Yo' mama so dumb, she waited at a STOP sign until it said GO ------------------------------------------------------------------------ 20 Types You Meet in the Men's Room 1) Excitable -- Shorts half-twisted around, cannot find hole, rips shorts. 2) Sociable -- Joins friends in piss whether he has to or not. 3) Cross-eyed -- Looks into the next urinal to see how the other guy is fixed. 4) Timid -- Cannot piss if someone is watching, flushes urinal, comes back later. 5) Indifferent -- All urinals being used, pisses in sink. 6) Clever -- No hands, fixes tie, looks around, usually pisses on floor. 7) Worried -- Not sure of where he has been lately, makes quick inspection. 8) Frivolous -- Plays stream up, down and across urinal, tries to hit flies and bugs. 9) Absent-Minded -- Opens vest, pulls out tie, pisses in pants. 10) Childish -- Pisses directly in bottom of urinal, likes to see it bubble. 11) Sneaky -- Farts silently while pissing, acts very innocent, knows man in other stall will be blamed. 12) Patient -- Stands very close for a long time, reads with free hand. 13) Desperate -- Waits in long line, teeth floating, pisses in pants. 14) Tough -- Bangs dick on side of urinal to dry. 15) Efficient -- Waits until he has to crap and does both. 16) Fat -- Backs up and takes a blind shot at urinal, pisses in shower. 17) Little -- Stands on box, falls in, drowns. 18) Drunk -- Holds left thumb in right hand, pisses in pants. 19) Disgruntled -- Stands for a while, gives up, walks away. 20) Conceited -- Holds two-inch dick like baseball bat. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Doc," says Steve, "I want to be castrated." "What on earth for?" asks the doctor in amazement. "It's something I've been thinking about for a long time and I want to have it done" replies Steve. "But have you thought it through properly?" asks the doctor, "It's a very serious operation and once it's done, there's no going back. It will change your life forever!" "I'm aware of that and you're not going to change my mind -- either you book me in to be castrated or I'll simply go to another doctor." "Well, OK.", says the doctor, "But it's against my better judgment!" So Steve has his operation, and the next day he is up and walking very slowly, legs apart, down the hospital corridor with his drip stand. Heading towards him is another patient, who is walking exactly the same way. "Hi there," says Steve,"It looks as if you've just had the same operation as me." "Well," said the patient, "I finally decided after 37 years of life that I would like to be circumcised." Steve stared at him in horror and screamed, "Shit! THAT'S the word!”
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Post by Chadi the Dwarf on Nov 14, 2003 22:36:27 GMT -5
Bumper Sticker Sayings
1. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup. 2. Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen. 3. A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth. 4. Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after. 5. Do I look like a freakin' people person? 6. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting. 7. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left. 8. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me. 9. If I throw a stick, will you leave? 10. You! Off my planet! 11. I like cats, too. Let's exchange recipes. 12. Ambivalent? Well, yes and no. 13. Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe? 14. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed. 15. Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them. 16. Do they ever shut up on your planet? 17. I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up. 18. Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage. 19. I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable. 20. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality. 21. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door. 22. Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet. 23. Don't worry. I forgot your name, too! 24. Adults are just kids who owe money. 25. You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing. 26. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it? 27. Too many freaks, not enough circuses. 28. Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done. 29. If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cat. 30. You look like shit. Is that the style now? 31. Earth is full. Go home. 32. Is it time for your medication or mine? 33. Does this condom make me look fat? 34. I plead contemporary insanity. 35. And which dwarf are you? 36. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks. 37. How do I set a laser printer to stun? 38. Meandering to a different drummer. 39. I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert. 40. I majored in liberal arts. Will that be for here or to go? ------------------------------------------------------------------------ These are excuse notes from parents (with their original spelling) collected by schools from all over the country:
1) My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him. 2) Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot. 3) Dear School: Please exscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29,30, 31, 32, and also 33. 4) Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating. 5) Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days.Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip. 6) John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face. 7) Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part. 8) Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins. 9) Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side. 10) Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels. 11) Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had diahre dyrea direathe the runs. 12) Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor. 13) Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust. 14) Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault. 15) I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don't know what size she wears. 16) Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday. 17) Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral. 18) My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines. 19) Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well. 20) Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps. 21) Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night. 22) Please excuse little Jimmy for not being in school yesterday. His father is gone and I could not get him ready because I was in bed with the doctor.
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Post by The Great Lord Mick on Nov 15, 2003 15:04:24 GMT -5
Please Read my arguments in Other legends...
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Post by Chadi the Dwarf on Nov 16, 2003 10:03:51 GMT -5
Okay that's nice! I lost 30 posts! Yeah great I think I deserve these 30 posts I spend almost all the week-end on the board. I write funny, interresting things. I can call it " Working" So why do I only have 42 posts?
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Post by The Great Lord Mick on Nov 16, 2003 14:01:08 GMT -5
It was getting ridiculous! one post each two minutes! I only cleaned up a bit. That's what you're supposed to do, try tnot to Double post just edit your last post unless another person added something or its already full. You shouldn't be mad, for one thing you should be happy I cleaned up and warned you. I could've sent you to the Trial board straight away!
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F-Man
Master of All
Posts: 51
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Post by F-Man on Nov 16, 2003 20:40:38 GMT -5
Hmm, Chadi, you may have lost 30 posts, but everything you've written is still there. Your post count is just "superficial".
I know you're mad at Mick now, and I'm not used to see you like this. Just let me tell that we do appreciate the time you used in typing all of this, and it's not your post count that's going to change it.
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Post by The Great Lord Mick on Nov 17, 2003 8:23:43 GMT -5
That's exactly my point, I mean I've read all your stories and I appreciated them alot. You're one of the only members who makes this board "alive"...
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Post by Chadi the Dwarf on Nov 21, 2003 23:45:10 GMT -5
Maybe i'm the ruler of this board, but it doesn't mean that I have to write all the stories! I like to write them but it would be nice if you write more and more!
Yo mama Jokes tonight!!!!:
Yo mama so fat when her beeper goes off, people thought she was backing up
Yo mama so fat her nickname is "Lardo"
Yo mama so fat she eats Wheat Thicks.
Yo mama so fat were in her right now
Yo mama so fat people jog around her for exercise
Yo mama so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone
Yo mama so fat she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors
Yo mamma so fat you haveta roll over twice to get off her...
Yo mama so fat she was floating in the ocean and spain claimed her for then new world
Yo mama so fat she lay on the beach and people run around yelling Free Willy
Yo mama so fat when you get on top of her your ears pop!
Yo mama so fat when she has wants someone to shake her hand, she has to give directions!
Yo mama so fat she goes to a resturant, looks at the menu and says "okay!"
Yo mama so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat, people said "Taxi!"
Yo mama so fat she had to go to Sea World to get baptized
Yo mama so fat she got to iron her pants on the driveway
Yo mama so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller
Yo mama so fat she got to pull down her pants to get into her pockets
Yo mama so fat when she tripped over on 4th Ave, she landed on 12th
Yo mama so fat when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too
Yo mama so fat the highway patrol made her wear "Caution! Wide Turn"
Yo mama so fat when she sits around the house, she SITS AROUND THE HOUSE!
Yo mama so fat when she steps on a scale, it read "one at a time, please"
Yo mama so fat when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo.
Yo mama so fat she fell in love and broke it.
Yo mama so fat when she gets on the scale it says to be continued.
Yo mama so fat when she gets on the scale it says we don't do livestock.
Yo mama so fat her neck looks like a pair of hot dogs!
Yo mama so fat she's got her own area code!
Yo mama so fat she looks like she's smuggling a Volkswagon!
Yo mama so fat God couldn't light Earth until she moved!
Yo mama so fat NASA has to orbit a satellite around her!
Yo mama so fat whenever she goes to the beach the tide comes in!
Yo mama so fat when she plays hopscotch, she goes New York, L.A., Chicago...
Yo mama so fat she's got Amtrak written on her leg.
Yo mama so fat even Bill Gates couldn't pay for her liposuction!
Yo mama so fat her legs is like spoiled milk - white & chunky!
Yo mama so fat I had to take a train and two buses just to get on the her good side!
Yo mama so fat she wakes up in sections!
Yo mama so fat when she goes to an amusement park, people try to ride HER!
Yo mama so fat she sat on a quarter and a booger shot out of george washington's nose.
Yo mama so fat she rolled over 4 quarters and it made a dollar!
Yo mama so fat when she lies on the beach no one else gets sun!
Yo mama so fat when she bunje jumps she goes straight to hell!
Yo mama so fat when she jumps up in the air she gets stuck!!!
Yo mama so fat she's got more Chins than a Hong Kong phone book!
Yo mama so fat that her senior pictures had to be arial views!
Yo mama so fat she's on both sides of the family!
Yo mama so fat everytime she walks in high heels, she strikes oil!
Yo mama so fat she fell and made the Grand Canyon!
Yo mama so fat she sat on the beach and Greenpeace threw her in!
Yo mama so fat even her clothes have stretch marks!
Yo mama so fat she has a wooden leg with a kickstand!
Yo mama so fat she has to use a VCR as a beeper!
Yo mama so fat she broke her leg, and gravy poured out!
Yo mama so fat when she rides in a hot air balloon, it looks like she's wearin tights!
Yo mama so fat she got hit by a parked car!
Yo mama so fat they have to grease the bath tub to get her out!
Yo mama so fat she has a run in her blue-jeans!
Yo mama so fat when she gets on the scale it says to be continued.
Yo mama so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat people say "Taxi!"
Yo mama so fat she got to iron her pants on the driveway!
Yo mama so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller!
Yo mama so fat when she tripped over on 4th Ave she landed on 12th
Yo mama so fat when she bungee jumps she pulls down the bridge too
Yo mama so fat she steps on a scale & it goes one at a time please
Yo mama so fat she fell in love and broke it!
Yo mama so fat she jumped up in the air and got stuck!
Yo mama so fat she fell in love and broke it.
Yo mama so fat when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo.
Yo mama so fat they use the elastic in her underwear for bungee jumping
Yo mama so fat when they used her underwear elastic for bungee jumping, they hit the ground.
Yo mama so fat when she back up she beep.
Yo mama so fat she jumped up in the air and got stuck.
Yo mama so fat she has to buy two airline tickets.
Yo mama so fat when she fell over she rocked herself asleep trying to get up again.
Yo mama so fat she influences the tides.
Yo mama so fat that when I tried to drive around her I ran out of gas.
Yo mama so fat she broke her leg and gravy fell out.
Yo mama so fat the animals at the zoo feed her.
Yo mama so fat she was baptized at Marine World.
Yo mama so fat she's on both sides of the family!
Yo mama so fat when she dances at a concert the whole band skips.
Yo mama so fat the Aids quilt wouldn't cover her
Yo mama so fat she stands in two time zones.
Yo mama so fat I tried to drive around her and I ran out of gas.
Yo mama so fat she left the house in high heels and when she came back she had on flip flops.
Yo mama so fat shes on both sides of the family
Yo mama so fat you have to grease the door frame and hold a twinkie on the other side just to get her through
Yo mama so fat when she goes to an all you can eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps.
Yo mama so fat that she cant tie her own shoes.
Yo mama so fat sets off car alarms when she runs.
Yo mama so fat she cant reach her back pocket.
Yo mama so fat when she wears one of those X jackets, helicopters try to land on her back!
Yo mama so fat her college graduation picture was an airial.
Yo mama so fat she lays on the beach and greenpeace tried to push her back in the water
Yo mama so fat she broke her leg and gravy poured out
Yo mama so fat she uses redwoods to pick her teeth
Yo mama so fat the only pictures you have of her are satellite pictures
Yo mama so fat she jumped in the air and got stuck.
Yo mama so fat she put on some BVD's and by the time they reached her waist they spelled out boulevard.
Yo mama so fat she sat on a dollar and squeezed a booger out George Washington's nose.
Yo mama so fat she stepped on a rainbow and made Skittles.
Yo mama so fat she uses a mattress for a tampon.
Yo mama so fat that when she sits on the beach, Greenpeace shows up and tries to tow her back into the ocean.....
Yo mama so fat that she would have been in E.T., but when she rode the bike across the moon, she caused an eclipse.
Yo mama so fat she hoola-hooped the super bowl.
Yo mama so fat she was baptised in the ocean.
Yo mama so fat she has to iron her clothes in the driveway.
Yo mama so fat they tie a rope around her shoulders and drag her through a tunnel when they want to clean it.
Yo mama so fat when she got hit by a bus, she said, "Who threw that rock?"
Yo mama so fat when she stands in a left-turn lane it gives her the green arrow!
Yo mama so fat that when whe was born, she gave the hospital stretch marks.
Yo mama so fat we went to the drive-in and didn't have to pay because we dressed her as a Chevrolet. ------------------------------------------------------------------
Yo mama so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes
Yo mama so stupid when she saw the NC-17 (under 17 not admitted) sign, she went home and got 16 friends
Yo mama so stupid when your dad said it was chilly outside, she ran outside with a spoon
Yo mama so stupid she told everyone that she was "illegitiment" because she couldn't read
Yo mama so stupid that she puts lipstick on her head just to make-up her mind
Yo mama so stupid she hears it's chilly outside so she gets a bowl
Yo mama so stupid you have to dig for her IQ!
Yo mama so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved!
Yo mama so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes!
Yo mama so stupid that she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order!
Yo mama so stupid she could trip over a cordless phone!
Yo mama so stupid she sold her car for gasoline money!
Yo mama so stupid she bought a solar-powered flashlight!
Yo mama so stupid she thinks a quarterback is a refund!
Yo mama so stupid she took a cup to see Juice.
Yo mama so stupid that she sold the car for gas money.
Yo mama so stupid she asked you "What is the number for 911"
Yo mama so stupid she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
Yo mama so stupid when she read on her job application to not write below the dotted line she put "O.K."
Yo mama so stupid she got stabbed in a shoot out.
Yo mama so stupid she stole free bread.
Yo mama so stupid she took a spoon to the superbowl.
Yo mama so stupid she called Dan Quayle for a spell check.
Yo mama so stupid she stepped on a crack and broke her own back.
Yo mama so stupid she makes Beavis and Butt-Head look like Nobel Prize winners.
Yo mama so stupid she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train.
Yo mama so stupid she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif.
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Post by Chadi the Dwarf on Nov 21, 2003 23:46:27 GMT -5
Okay I double-post, but it's only because it can't all fit in the same post!
Yo mama so stupid when you stand next to her you hear the ocean!
Yo mama so stupid she hears it's chilly outside so she gets a bowl
Yo mama so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved!
Yo mama so stupid she thinks Fleetwood Mac is a new hamburger at McDonalds!
Yo mama so stupid she sits on the TV, and watches the couch!
Yo mama so stupid that she thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.
Yo mama so stupid she bought a videocamera to record cable tv shows at home.
Yo mama so stupid when she went to take the 44 bus, she took the 22 twice instead.
Yo mama so stupid she jumped out the window and went up.
Yo mama so stupid she thought a quarterback was an income tax refund.
Yo mama so stupid she took a umbrella to see Purple Rain.
Yo mama so stupid that under "Education" on her job apllication, she put "Hooked on Phonics."
Yo mama so stupid she put out the cigarette butt that was heating your house.
Yo mama so stupid she put lipstick on her forehead, talking about she was trying to makeup her mind.
Yo mama so stupid she watches "The Three Stooges" and takes notes. --------------------------------------------------------------- Yo mama so short she poses for trophies!
Yo mama so short you can see her feet on her drivers lisence!
Yo mama so short she has to use a ladder to pick up a dime.
Yo mama so short she can play handball on the curb.
Yo mama so short she does backflips under the bed.
Yo mama so short she models for trophys. --------------------------------------------------------------------
Yo mama so old I told her to act her own age, and she died.
Yo mama so old her social security number is 1!
Yo mama so old that when she was in school there was no history class.
Yo mama so old she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.
Yo mama so old her birth certificate says expired on it.
Yo mama so old she knew Burger King while he was still a prince.
Yo mama so old she was a waitress at the Last Supper.
Yo mama so old she ran track with dinosaurs.
Yo mama so old her birth certificate is in Roman numerals.
Yo mama so old she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook. ---------------------------------------------------------------------
Yo mama so poor when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, she said "Moving."
Yo mama so poor she can't afford to pay attention!
Yo mama so poor when I ring the doorbell I hear the toilet flush!
Yo mama so poor when she goes to KFC, she has to lick other people's fingers!
Yo mama so poor when I ring the doorbell she says,"DING!"
Yo mama so poor she went to McDonald's and put a milkshake on layaway.
Yo mama so poor your family ate cereal with a fork to save milk.
Yo mama so poor her face is on the front of a foodstamp.
Yo mama so poor she was in K-Mart with a box of Hefty bags. I said, "What ya doin'?" She said, "Buying luggage."
Yo mama so poor she drives a peanut.
Yo mama so poor she waves around a popsicle stick and calls it air conditioning. ----------------------------------------------------------------------
Yo mama feet are so big her shoes have to have license plates!
Yo mama aint so bad...she would give you the hair off of her back!
Yo mama lips so big, Chap Stick had to invent a spray.
It took yo mama 10 tries to get her drivers license, she couldnt get used to the front seat!
Yo mama hips are so big, people set their drinks on them.
Yo mama hair so nappy she has to take Tylenol just to comb it.
Yo mama so clumsy she got tangled up in a cordless phone.
Yo mama so wrinkled, she has to screw her hat on.
Yo mama twice the man you are.
Yo mama cross-eyed and watches TV in stereo.
Yo mama is missing a finger and can't count past nine.
Yo mama arms are so short, she has to tilt her head to scratch her ear.
Yo mama middle name is Rambo.
Yo mama in a wheelchair and says, "You ain't gonna puch me 'round no more."
Yo mama rouchy, the McDonalds she works in doesn't even serve Happy Meals.
Yo mama so stupid was born on Independence Day and can't remember her birthday.
Yo mama mouth so big, she speaks in surround sound.
Yo mama gums are so black she spits Yoo-hoo.
Yo mama breath smell so bad when she yawns her teeth duck.
I saw your mama at the freak show petting the world's largest turtle.
I saw your mama kicking a can down the street. I asked her what she was doing, and she said "Moving."
Yo mama teeth are so rotten, when she smiles they look like dice.
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Post by The Great Lord Mick on Nov 22, 2003 19:14:19 GMT -5
I don't get them...
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Post by Chadi the Dwarf on Nov 24, 2003 20:21:09 GMT -5
Why? They are very easy to understand!!
EX: Yo mama so fat she's got her own area code!
Don't u understand this one??
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Post by The Great Lord Mick on Nov 25, 2003 8:28:50 GMT -5
I understand some. Who's "Yo mama"?
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Post by super Dwayne on Dec 4, 2003 17:26:36 GMT -5
what is that story
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Post by The Great Lord Mick on Dec 5, 2003 8:30:07 GMT -5
This is a topic about Jokes or short and funny stories.
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